ESSAYS AND THOUGHTS...
This is an essay by C. Jones... Enjoy!
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The Horrible Fanfiction List
a rant/essay by Chris Jones
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All opinions expressed here are mine, and should be taken
as just that, opinions, rather than mandates. Non-
fanfiction related comments should be addressed in private
email.
1. The 'First Chapter'
These should *usually* be labeled 'story ideas'. Usually
this occurs when a writer has read a vast quantity of
fanfiction and feels that he or she is ready to get his or
her literary toes wet. All the ideas in the author's mind
come tumbling out onto paper, only to find that they have
nowhere to go once the author loses his direction or
interest in the project. Most 'First Chapters' see the
fabled 'Second Chapter' only if they are very lucky, or
have been written by experienced authors. Almost every
author has one or two (or more) of these lying around on a
hard-drive or fanfiction archive somewhere.
2. The 'One-Shot'
Usually 'One-Shot' stories are a little better thought out
than 'First Chapters'. While they may indeed have a sequel,
each story is a self-contained unit with a distinct plot.
If these get too many sequels, they degrade into fanfic
type #6, The 'Cruel Abandonment'. These can be funny or
moving, but are usually thinly disguised spam.
3. The 'Mega-Crossover'
Mega-Crossovers occur when the author matches all his
favorite characters together from whatever series he
chooses. If the plot does not descend into unmanageable
chaos almost instantly, the author must work the entire
time to manage multitudinous story threads. When these
stories are created by a talented, experienced author, the
results can be magical. They're out there, but they are few
and far in between. Unfortunately, these frequently degrade
into 'First Chapter' or 'Cruel Abandonment' type stories.
4. The 'Pointless Crossover'
The author brings together favorite characters from two
different shows that have nothing in common and has no
ideas about how to make them work together. The plot is
forced, the dialogue is stilted, and if it doesn't degrade
into a 'First Chapter' or a 'Cruel Abandonment', then it
frequently becomes two separate stories with the same
title.
5. The 'Multi-Author Cluster-#^@&'
This dreadful event occurs when a multi-author fanfiction
is planned and goes dreadfully awry. In the best case, a
few 'One-Shot' type fics are published, but in the worst
case, the fic can turn into a flame war or a pointless
power play.
6. The 'Cruel Abandonment'
This lamentable occurrence happens when a series is
abandoned by its author after more than a few chapters due
to pressing obligations or lack of interest. When
perpetrated by a talented author, this can be particularly
cruel and painful for dedicated readers and reviewers.
Sadly, this is the fate for a great number of good series.
7. The 'Semi-talented Eroticist'
Good, well-crafted lemons are a pleasure to read.
Unfortunately, these are few and far in between. Like most
porn-crafters, authors of erotic fan-prose find themselves
disregarding characterization and plot in favor of 'huge,
throbbing cocks' and 'slick, velvety pussies' that produce
enough body fluid to irrigate a small town in Arizona. Ad
infinitum, these are repetitive and boring to read. Without
the mental and emotional aspects of sex that go along with
proper characterization, pointless lemons just loose their
appeal. The authors of these stories might find themselves
better suited to writing original fiction.
8. The 'Cheating Copout'
This is a variation of the 'Cruel Abandonment' in which the
author of a series he or she no longer has interest in
writing decides to create closure by writing a manufactured
ending. While the characters of the story may find that
their problems magically disappear and all their
relationships resolve themselves, a 'Cheating Copout' is
more often achieved by mass amounts of gratuitous violence
and out of character behavior. This is most painfully
obvious in multi-author fics in which one author has
decided he no longer wants to write and is not content to
just walk away. It's the literary equivalent of a
disgruntled postal-worker taking his frustrations out with
the aid of firearms.
9. The 'Please Kill Me'
Occasionally an author writes for the sake of writing
rather than for the sake of telling a story. While these
types of stories can be enjoyable, if the author is not
very talented, they can grow repetitious and boring. Again,
this type of author is usually better suited to try writing
original fiction.
10. The 'Inevitable Crossover'
Every once in a while, a story or concept comes along that
enflames minds and inspires passions. Then, when another
comes along, inexperienced authors inevitably attempt to
cross the two. Sometimes this is very successful if the
concepts of the two stories are similar. Frequently,
however, one ends up reading something like the
interminable 'The Matrix/Anime Series X' crossovers that
almost always fall into the 'First Chapter' or 'Cruel
Abandonment' categories. A sub-species of this particular
type of fanfic is:
11. The 'Obligatory Crossover'
If there is a popular series, you can bet that it will
eventually be crossed with one or more of 'Star Trek',
'Star Wars', 'Babylon 5', 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', or
'Hercules/Xena, Warrior Princess'. This is not entirely a
bad thing, since many 'First of Genre' fics are crossovers.
Many anime series fanfiction genres begin with 'Ranma' or
'Sailor Moon' crossovers. More often than not, however,
these are completely disposable and can be completely
recast with a quick 'global search and replace' command.
12. The 'Semi-Original Fanstory'
This happens most often when information is not readily
available about a particular series or character. An author
is required to fill in the gaps by him-- or herself.
Sometimes, this can be magical. More often than not,
however, this rapidly degrades into pointless, repetitive
drivel. The ones that are good reads frequently inspire
other authors to create:
13. The 'Fanfic-based-Fanfic'
These can be either very good or very bad. As with Ranma
and Slayers fanfiction, many minor characters are fleshed
out and characterized by talented authors. Other authors
tend to 'borrow' these revamped characters for their own
stories. Unfortunately, this can lead to
overcharacterization and flame wars about a character's
behavior even if he or she only appears in one anime
episode or manga issue.
14. The 'I Hate My Life'
Many authors of fanfiction are teens or young adults. Many
are introverted, introspective souls, seeking to unleash
their feelings through prose. Sadly, a disproportionate
number are depressive, or using their fanfiction to
alleviate depressive feelings. What results is angst and
suffering for pain's sake. A normally cheery series like
'Ranma' can descend into untold realms of horror and
depression at the hands of this kind of writer, and a
serious story like 'Evangelion' can twist into a horror
that will warp the mind of any casual reader, frequently
permanently turning that reader off the original work as
well as the fan work. This kind of author should attend
self-affirmation classes and consider professional therapy.
15. The 'Apocalypse Now'
Violence for violence's sake is never pretty to live
through and even more pointless to read about. While many
young men ages 12-17 get excited reading about wartime
combat, non-stop martial arts, and crime and punishment,
serious readers call this material 'Pulp' for a reason.
16. The dreaded 'Self Insertion'.
Also referred to as the 'Mary-Sue' in non-anime fanfiction
jargon. I don't even have to discuss this one at length.
They usually start with an idea like 'Wouldn't it be cool
if I lived at the Tendou Dojo' or something similar. They
almost always degrade into 'First Chapters' or 'Cruel
Abandonment'. If an author is particularly perverse, these
may degrade (or even start as):
17. The dreaded 'Self Insertion Lemon'
These start with an idea like, 'Boy,
Ranma/Akane/Usagi/Tenchi/Sasami/Zelgadis/Xellos/Misato/Rei
is a hottie. I sure would like to
lick/suck/screw/boink/noodle/procreate with their <insert
body part here>', and degrade from there. These are
frequently thinly disguised as stories with plots like
'Fanboyite rapes/seduces the Sailor Senshi' or 'The master
of Fanboy-fu comes to study at the Tendou Dojo and bag all
the Tendou girls and girl-type Ranma while he's at it.'
18. The 'Backstory Missing'
This occurs when an author has an idea for a story, but
lacks the patience or talent to properly develop it. This
results in stories that are so far removed from the
original work as to be unrecognizable and uninteresting.
This type of author is best suited for original fiction or
'One-Shots'.
19. The 'Another Lame New Character'
Authors frequently find the need to insert new, fan-author
created characters into their fan stories to help
characterize the original cast and help move the plot
along, frequently as the main antagonist. All too often,
these characters become the main protagonist of the story.
Worse, the author will often slip, allowing his 'Another
Lame New Character' story to become a dreaded 'Self
Insertion' story.
20. The 'Perfect Fanfic'
This kind of story has a beginning, middle and end. It has
rising conflict, a climax, and satisfying conclusion. While
the author may engage in questionable practices or
controversial plot, he or she takes the time to
characterize the original characters and make them his or
her own. He or she takes the time to fully understand the
plot they've created and revise it and re-revise it and re-
re-revise it. The 'Perfect Fanfic' is a tribute to the
original and a work of art in its own right. It leaves the
reader with a burning mind and enflamed passions, wanting
more. Unfortunately, readers may try to improve upon a
winner and create a 'Fanfic-based-Fanfic'. Like successive
VHS or Xerox copies, these can and do degrade over time.
While the author of the 'Perfect Fanfic' may be happy with
his or her chosen hobby, he or she should definitely
consider experimenting with original fiction.
Summary:
Most authors are guilty of at least some of these sins at
one point or another, including the author of this essay.
Most authors are also avid readers, and willingly subject
ourselves to these sins on a regular, sometimes daily,
basis. The only real way to avoid these horrors is to
persevere when writing and be honest with yourself and
others when you are unable or unwilling to write.
Rather than flaming newbie fanfiction authors, it pays to
gently encourage them, politely offering comments and
criticism on mistakes and plot. New authors eventually
become old hands. Those with talent and the gift of prose
tend to stick with it when they are able, and grace us with
enjoyable fiction.
Remember that when you are writing fan-fiction, you are
writing for enjoyment's sake. If you're writing for other
reasons, such as depression, anger, or a need for approval,
you need to reconsider your motivations. You're writing
because you love the characters and the story. Keep that in
mind, and the world can become a happier place if you let
it.
C. - 11-06-2000
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C. Jones - [email protected]
http://www.furinkan.net
Watashi ha ultra-relakusu!